This page might help you find out if you are a luser; more importantly, it might make you laugh.

• If you go down to the bookstore to buy a 10-pack of "hard disks", you might be a luser.
• If you think rm stands for "reserve memory", you might be a luser.
• If you have to ask where the floppy drive is on an Indigo, you might be a luser.
• If you try to appease the mouse by pouring Cheese Whiz (TM) on it, you might be a luser.
• If your head has the same "high-density" label that your floppy disks do, you might be a luser.
• If you knock over three Coke (TM) cans every time you move your feet, you might be a luser.
• If you take your computer off the network with the same move, you're definitely a luser.
• If you think Lawrence Canter and Martha Siegel are intrepid cyberspace pioneers, you might be a luser.
• If you don't know where the "ANY" key is, you might be a luser.
• If you think Microsoft Bob is your software pal who's fun to be with, you might be a luser.
• If you think spaghetti code is a communication tool for Italian intelligence agents, you might be a luser.
• If you ask your friends to call you "Big Kahuna" after you run Netscape for the first time, you might be a luser.
• If the consultant says, "Welcome to the 24 hour lab," and you say, "When do you close?", you might be a luser.
• If you say, "One more minute," and you stay for ten, you might be a luser.
• If your printouts are measured in inches instead of in pages, you might be a luser.
• If you think megaFLOPS come from very large cows, you might be a luser.
• If you can't tell a megabyte from an overbite, you might be a luser.
• If you get excited by the Pentium's amazing floating point precision, you might be a luser.
• If you think alt.discordia is a bulletin board for discussing wireless communication, you might be a luser.
• If the consultant says, "The server went down," and you say, "Did it swallow?", you might be a luser.
• If you think the movie Sneakers was an instructional video about modern cryptography, you might be a luser.
• If you look at a workstation running X and you ask, "How can I start up Word?", you might be a luser.
• If you don't favor the death penalty for David Rhodes, you might be a luser.
• If you think you need to drive by your opponent's lab with a Molotov Cocktail in order to start a flame war, you might be a luser.
• If you think a megabyte is ten to the sixth power bytes, you might be a luser.
• If you christen your computer by breaking a bottle of champagne over it, you might be a luser.
• If you think secondhand smoke isn't bad for your computer's health, you might be a luser.
• If you think firsthand smoke isn't bad for your computer's health, you're definitely a luser.
• If you measure your computer's power in watts instead of MIPS, you might be a luser.
• If you think a flyback transformer is one of those plastic robots that turns into an airplane, you might be a luser.
• If you want to increase the power of your computer by plugging it into a lightning rod, you might be a luser.
• If you wrap your computer in a blanket to keep it nice and warm, you might be a luser.
• If you think the U.S. Constitution includes a clause about a right to unlimited printouts, you might be a luser.
• If you think you can save money by replacing the L2 cache with a software cache, you might be a luser.
• If you think flash memory is something computers get when they go through a war, you might be a luser.
• If you open a package of Windows 95 and you're confused by the lack of glass, you might be a luser.
• If you think a printer is an archival storage device, you might be a luser.
• If you try to use the John Holmes Super Pump (TM) to increase the capacity of your hard disk, you might be a luser.
• If you can spot an off-duty consultant at 100 feet, but you can't see a "No food or drink" sign at ten feet, you might be a luser.
• If you don't understand the phrase "I don't know." until you hear it for the fourth time, you might be a luser.
• If you think IFSM majors are cutting-edge hackers, you might be a luser.
• If you ask the consultant to read the instructions for you because you couldn't bother, you might be a luser.
• If you think the best way to reboot a UNIX box is to rapidly cycle the power, you might be a luser.
• If you think a video driver is something that helps when you send MTV on a road trip, you might be a luser.

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